oh to die
now from that title, I'm betting you think I've gone emo. Sorry to dissapoint! I am not emo. But longing, yes, very much.
When was the last time you wanted something so bad, but knew you couldn't have it? Knowing that to have this thing would mean the end of something beautiful. Like to pick a flower, it dies the second you pick it. You can see it, you can smell it and enjoy it. But as soon as you try to take it, it dies. Being so distracted by the longing that it's driving you insane. Not wanting to have it anymore, wanting to die so badly to it, but having it gasp for air still. Why?! Why can't I die to it? I'm trying to be transparent here, without losing all my dignity. But what does dignity have to do with it? Am I simply trying to save face? Why?
LORD LET ME DIE! My flesh, it cringes for life. It convulses and seizes me back to the reality of the world. LORD I WANT YOUR REALITY! Let me lose myself in you, where my longings aren't for the things of the world and the affections of anyone. Jesus, I need you so badly...I need your love, so if you hear me, I need a hero! Please dare to find me! Fly to my rescue and crash through the wall. Announce my freedom, bring me to my senses, gather me into your strong arms, and carry me off...to saftey
When was the last time you wanted something so bad, but knew you couldn't have it? Knowing that to have this thing would mean the end of something beautiful. Like to pick a flower, it dies the second you pick it. You can see it, you can smell it and enjoy it. But as soon as you try to take it, it dies. Being so distracted by the longing that it's driving you insane. Not wanting to have it anymore, wanting to die so badly to it, but having it gasp for air still. Why?! Why can't I die to it? I'm trying to be transparent here, without losing all my dignity. But what does dignity have to do with it? Am I simply trying to save face? Why?
LORD LET ME DIE! My flesh, it cringes for life. It convulses and seizes me back to the reality of the world. LORD I WANT YOUR REALITY! Let me lose myself in you, where my longings aren't for the things of the world and the affections of anyone. Jesus, I need you so badly...I need your love, so if you hear me, I need a hero! Please dare to find me! Fly to my rescue and crash through the wall. Announce my freedom, bring me to my senses, gather me into your strong arms, and carry me off...to saftey
posted by Nate at 2:49 PM
3 Comments:
death in His arms is the sweetest place to be
where you find His life, His way, His care
very hard to let go and just die
it's scary, and doesn't feel "normal"
but, He wants us to rest and to relax and to exist in Him only
in Him only
no matter what
no matter what we lose
no matter what we give up
no matter how it feels
we must trust that HE and HE ALONE will make it all better when we give it all... i said ALL... up to Him...
Interesting, I've never been to your blog, & I come the day after your post. That was nice, thanks for sharing your heart's desires.
Yes, so hard to die.. "Lord, take away my fear, to remember Your care of times past.."
one more thought.. I SO would like to buy a house, our very own, will all things perfectly the way I like them, beautiful & secluded, yet full of life & occasional friends & family.. yet God reminded me the other day through a post on another blog I read, that what I long for is.. my mansion in heaven, wow, it's really being prepared for me, that amazing! Oh, to be in awe of the beauty & PERFECTION of God in the now & to enjoy life abundant with Jesus as my guide & the treasures of family life.. friends, what an added depth, to have people who care for me.. this is good for me to be thankful, it's been easy for me to get sad sad lately about the friends who can't spend much time with me, even the ones not longing to be close with me at all.. Oh, but what a great way to be led back to the closeness I used to feel with Jesus in the past..
So.. that got long : ) grin
God bless you, Nathan
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